Monday
by Spokenvoice
Summary: Sara's Monday just keeps getting worse. Sofia's isn't much better. How will they cope? fEMSLASH T JUST IN CASE
1. Chapter 1

**Monday**

Sara/Sofia Femslash - 

Summary: Sara's Monday just keeps getting worse. Sofia's isn't much better. How will they cope?

What the hell was going on today? It was one bad thing after the other – I'd got kicked from a case to start of the shift, then I walked into one hell of a confrontation with Ecklie only for it to all finish with Sofia walking into the locker room and starting this fight.

How I love Mondays!

All shift the only thing that was keeping me going was knowing that I'd get to crash with a certain officer but, right now I'm wishing I had to pull a triple. I looked at her back, she was stood looking into her locker, I could tell by the way she was stood, the tension I could see in her shoulders that something had really pissed her off. "I just want you to be straight with me…" Sofia explained, with a tone I hated. A low growl that came from deep in her chest – things were never good when she used this tone "Don't keep things from me" the blond slammed shut the locker and turned back to me.

I didn't move, I stood leaning against my locker – I was pissed off. How the hell is it I can do nothing and get in so much fucking shit, how the hell did things turn bad from start of shift to end. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I questioned. There was no way that I was leaving this how it was – I needed to know what exactly had got her this pissed with me.

"What's wrong with me…why didn't you tell me you bedded half the force?"

Wow, I felt that hit me. In the chest causing me to gasp for breath – shock came over me. What the fuck? I was too shocked to even say anything- I just stood staring at Sofia who was now waiting for me to respond. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I was hurt – why was she acting like this.

"I'll tell you what – Detective Roberts is what – she seems to know a lot about a certain CSI" Sofia through the file in her hand to the lockers next to me and they hit it with a crash.

"Jess" I murmured, but how?

"yeah Jess" She spat, "I got to hear her talking about how happy she'd made you… the guys loved to hear the detailed account of how you two…you two got it on. As you can imagine…it was something that I didn't need to hear."

I just stood there, was this shit for real.

"So what…" I ask, "What do you want me to do?" I shouted throwing up my hands in frustration, "Say I'm sorry, apologies for having an ex girlfriend. I'm sorry that you're not my first Curtis, I'm sorry that I didn't wait my whole life for you to show. I have ex's, I have quite a few of them … you want a step by step account of who, when and where? Do you?" I couldn't believe what she was doing to me.

"You know what it's like to have some woman talk about you like that?" she growled, there was a rage that I'd never seen in her and that just forced me to lose it.

"I haven't seen Jess in years" I shouted.

"It's not the point, I shouldn't have found out like that" Sofia moved closer to me now, her anger visible.

"Fine, just incase you run into any other of my ex's let me be the first to tell you. When I was sixteen I slept with my brother's friend – she was seventeen – I think she's an accountant now. In collage there were a few, I don't remember all their names – but none of them are in the force. Maybe it's just them you need to hear about because I don't want me to be the hot topic with the guys in the force – in Frisco there was Rachel, and then some guy called Jerry – they are still there as far as I know. Then in Boston there was Jess who you already know and then there was Brian, he moved to Miami, if you go there make sure your careful not to fall for his boyish good looks… there was Laura back at conference I went to last year"

"Stop" Sofia growled,

Defiantly I continued, I kept on speaking, daring to push her further - "she looked a lot like you actually…"

"STOP!" She said it again.

I just walked up and got in her face, "…except she wasn't such a cold bitch … please tell me, am I worthy to bed you still?" I spat with such hurt and disgust.

She just shook her head, turning she went to leave the room – "Take it we're not going out?" I snarl sarcastically.

"Why don't you see if Jess is Free…" With that she walked away – I looked to the floor – was this for real.

Banging myself against the locker I just wanted to give up there and then. I'm sick of fighting… cause it feels like when I take 3 steps forwards with the relationship somehow we end up taking five back.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the reviews - heres part 2. Hope you like _

"This how it's going to be?" I hadn't seen her, not since our argument last shift and it was now the end of the next. Problem was we were both stubborn, not ready to back down. I lent on the door to the break room, she was lent against the counter holding a soda. I locked eyes with her but couldn't read a thing. "We are ignoring each other for how long?" I questioned.

"We can't do this now?"

"I just signed out – we can and are doing this now" I explain shutting the door to the room – "just talk to me…"

"No…" She shakes her head, "I can't…"

"What?"

"Look, I have a call"

"Fuck the call – we need to sort this out…" I growl, "I'm not losing you over something like this" There it is, I took the first step. But if she wants me to apologies she has another thing coming.

"We'll talk later…"

"no we wont, because you'll go catch the bad guys, then you'll go home crash with a beer and then we may possible bump into each other next shift – sorry Hun I can't do that" I shot at her with an anger – I just wanted to know where I stood. "Do you want to end this…finish with me?" Just be straight with me for gods sake, it's all I wanted from her.

She shook her head, "No, I… I just…"

"You what?"

"You've fucked my head up Sara… I mean it… you're inside me and it scares me" She shouted. Oh, so it is my fault, hold on, no… what…is she blaming me for something? She's more complex than I thought.

"Sign out…"

"What?"

"Pick up your stuff, pass over the call and then come with me"

She looked at me with an odd glare – "We're fighting though!"

"Yeah, we still are… we need to talk…"

"Why can't we do that here?"

"Because if I shout, I scream – the lab knows we are going out … you didn't want that -remember?" There was another shot, okay I understand why she doesn't want the lab to know but I can't help, especially in the midst of arguments that, she's ashamed of us, of me.

She looked to the floor, "Sar, I really can't do this now"

"Why?"

"Because…" She turned her back on me, "I talk to you, I take all my problems out on you – it's not fair. What I did yesterday – I was out of order"

"You were" I agreed, "I just don't understand…" My tone lowered – no- I'm angry, this isn't what I do. Be angry Sidle, she hurt you, you cried last night! Be angry. That's it, I shout a little now, "I told you yesterday how much you meant to me – I told you how much I'd do for you. I don't deserve this"

"You don't"

Wait, was she agreeing with me? I shut up for a moment; I wanted to hear this – "Sara…" She turned around and locked eyes with me – "I think…no…I…I know…that I…I…" She wasn't holding up to well. I moved towards her.  
"Hey…Curtis…" I tried to calm her by running my hand down her arm but she pulled back –

"Sar…you don't get this"

"No…you're right…I fucking don't…" I shouted

"I love you" Sofia shouted.

Wow, wasn't expecting that…

I stood in shock – We didn't do the 'I love you', never had since we'd been together. I had a problem with Love! She had a problem with commitment – it was a mutual agreement been able to and I respected that. Now, this… I didn't know what to think.

"I love you Sara, and yesterday was a head fuck… she was just going at it. Knew how to take me down – all I couldn't think about was you, and how she was talking about you made me sick and then, I had all this shit inside me – I took it out on you. I was wrong… I was…"

"Stop!" I order.

She does.

"What did you say?" I ask

"That… I love you Sidle" She was confident this time. She stepped forward. "I'm sorry about what I said to you – I really am…"

I held my hand up. Wow, this had me all messed up.

"What?"

"Stop talking…" I tell her.

"I've freaked you out"

I nod my head.

"In a good way?" She questioned hopeful yet I saw fear and uncertainty.

I just nodded my head, then looked up and locked eyes with her – "why?"

"Shit, I shouldn't have done this" Sofia backed away. I caught hold of her wrist, still looking at her. How did we go from an argument to this? I didn't know what to say. Love, she loved me? No way. "I'm sorry…" She apologized.

"No…" I tell her.

"I fucked up…"

"No…"

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said it… I…"

Good, I was a mess; I had no idea what was wrong with me. I moved forward – not caring where I was, my lips pressed against hers. "No…" I repeat. She had nothing to apologize for… okay, she had a lot to apologize for but telling me she loved me was not one of them. "say it again" I ask her. I pinned her against the counter. She moved her arms around my waist.

She moved her head to my shoulder – her lips against my neck – I felt her relax – "I love you"


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Part 3 

I moved through my apartment, heading towards the shuffling- waking up I looked to my side to find an empty space. Have to say, not the best way to wake up – I usually like to roll over and move my arm over her – hold her close. I made it to my living room and saw her lent over the balcony – walking over I moved my arms around her waist and lent on her back. "Are you okay baby?" I asked.  
"Yeah…" She nodded her head, "Just…thinking"

"About?" Honestly I'm not sure if I want to know.

"I'm sorry" She said after a while of silence, I lent closer into her – pressing my lips into her shirt on her back.

"Babe…"

"No, I was… a bitch to you"

I turned her around, and pushed her against the balcony – moved my hand to her face and forced her to look at me – "Look, I understand why you did it. I understand… but… you need to believe me – I don't care what happened in my past… I don't care about anyone else but you."

Sofia shook her head, "I keep messing this up"  
"look, you just can't lose it with my like that. I can't change my past – there are a lot of things that you probably won't like" I explained. I couldn't even keep eye contact – I lent forward and put my head against her shoulder – "I'm sorry about Jess… and about everything else I've said to you"

"Don't…I was jealous, that's all it was." She reassured.

I felt her arm around my waist, the two of us stood in silence together for a few moments. "Did you mean if Sof?"

"Mean what?" She asked

"That you…you loved me?"

"More than anything…"

I moved my arms around her and let them slip under the shirt she was wearing and let them rest on her back. Running my fingers softly over her skin I was happy to just be held by her. After a few minuets I whispered "Come back to bed…"

-------------------

I watched her with a smirk on my lips, she was taking control of the interrogation and I hadn't seen her this confident, this sure of everything, in so long. Crossing her arms over her chest she smirked herself – she'd got the confession needed. She lent back in the chair and allowed the uniformed officer to escort the guilty man from the room. She had locked eyes with him and I just watched as she stared him out –

Once he'd left the room I saw as her outer confidence faded, she slumped forward and took her head in her hands. Without hesitation I made my way through, shutting the door and moving to Sofia's side I put my hand on her shoulder. "Babe…"

She looked up and smiled, "Hey…" there was a fakeness there.

"You okay?" I asked her as I sat down on the desk.

She just nodded her head, "yeah…just" She shrugged her shoulders, "You know"

I nodded my head. I knew exactly, she'd just worked a case where a father killed his six year old daughter – Sofia had been with me when we found the body – Sofia was hurting. "Case is over, you got him" I offer in a feeble attempt to comfort her.

She shakes her head and then she puts a hand on my knee – "we got him"

There was a silence where I just took her hand, she took mine and we sat there. I began thinking back to the argument we'd had on Monday – and what ever had been said to Sofia by my ex had totally messed her up. She was acting differently – it wasn't like we were still arguing, we'd gotten past the locker room incident. Talked it through, gone back to mine and really made up. Something was different now though. I looked down on my girlfriend and saw how tired she was. "Come on Hun…your exhausted…lets get you out of here"

She shook hear head, "I got too much paperwork" she objected

"You worked a double, you need sleep" I explain. It's funny; there was a time that I didn't even think about Sofia as more than an officer that more then often got on my nerves but little did I know the tension was actually attracting and now, here I was, caring about her more than I cared about myself. I worried about her - couldn't help it.

"How about I take a break for an hour with you – would it make you feel better"

I looked at her, not yet willing to give in though I know I would eventually. This case had gotten to Sofia and I was more than aware she wasn't leaving this place until she had the papers finished and this guy in jail. I had to respect that…

"A little better maybe but not totally" I explain.

I walked back to the table she'd occupied and slid into the chair opposite passing her a coffee, black, hot and strong. "Thanks" She took the drink and wasted no time in sipping the hot liquid.

I drank a little of mine before leaning back in the chair – I was exhausted. "You coming back to mine when you finish up?" I ask her.

Sofia lent forward a little, "Yeah – if you don't mind…"

"No, no… you got the key?" I had left one on the side for her a few days ago.

She nodded, "Thanks" she was staring at the coffee she clasped in her two hands. Something was playing on her mind – I reached forward and took one hand in my own. "Babe…what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…I can't get the case out my head" I nodded, understanding only too well what she meant.

"I know" I ran my finger over the top of her hand.

"She was so young…"

I nodded, again. Pulling her hand closer to me she looked up. "I'm sorry"

"Nothing to be sorry for…you're exhausted though – I'm a little worried about you"

"Don't worry…" It's easier for her to say than for me to do.

I shrugged, "Yeah, just not that easy…"

We spoke for a good half hour, the both of us finished up our coffees and things had got a little happier. "So you still heading back to work or…do you want to come back?" I just wanted her to come back so that I could make sure she was okay. She wasn't going to give in though.

"I need to do it baby but, look, just go home…get the beer in the fridge and order a takeaway and I'll be back in an hour or two" She offered softly.

"You know, paper work over your girlfriend, isn't helping with my self esteem babe" I joked.

She rolled her eyes, "Trust me, I'd take you over paper work anytime – I just, want this guy to go down"

I nodded, I understood. "Okay, I forgive you … this once" I stood up and so did she collecting our jackets. Then she moved her arm around my waist as the two of us left the coffee shop. Pushing open the door we stepped into the streets of Vegas – "…so what you want to order in?"

"Up to you…"

"Well Pizza, Chinese or Indian?"

"How's about Pizza…"

"Sounds great… we can…" Before I could finish I was stopped, dead in my tracks by a voice behind me.

_"…well, it's been a long time…"_


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4 

I felt Sofia's hand instantly tighten around my waist, the two of us turned around – I locked eyes with her – Jess. Shit, why now? And what the hell was wrong with me – say something, for fuck sake. You're just staring at her – speak!

"Curtis" The woman acknowledged Sofia with a slight smirk playing on her lips.

"Roberts" Sofia growled lowly.

I'm at this point still just standing there, not speaking – my past begins to hit me … images, moments.

"You look as great as ever…haven't changed a bit!"

"I've changed - for the better" I explain, the first thing I've said to her – since the night she walked out on me.

Sofia's hand begins to slip from my waist, Jess was getting to her – this was exactly how Officer Robert's wanted this to go. I caught hold of Sofia's hand and held it close to my side running my finger reassuringly over the top. "What are you doing in Vegas Jess?"

"Got the job offer and took it" She explains, "And, I knew you were up here…so…"

Fuck, what the hell was she doing? Flirting with me in front of my girlfriend, "Roberts, back off" Sofia had stayed quiet for too long; she spoke and stepped forward a little.

"Hey, Curtis…no need to get feisty…" Jess looked down at her watch, "Well I better go… I'll see you around Sar…we'll have to catch up some other time…" I stayed quiet, I just shook my head and turned my back walking away from the coffee shop. Sofia followed – I don't know what she was thinking or feeling. We got to my Denali – and that's when she spoke.

"What's she playing at?"

She asked me like I knew. I shrugged my shoulders.

"She was about to jump you back there… hell the woman was undressing you with her eyes"

"Babe…she's just trying to get in between us. It's what she is…a manipulative bitch. Just…" _Just what Sara, what little words of wisdom are you going to throw out now?_ My mind screamed, I couldn't deal with her when we were going out, how could I now? "…I don't know…"

Sofia just walked around the SUV and jumped in the seat as I got in the drivers side. She wasn't looking to convinced – she looked to me, she was just looking at me as if trying to understand what I was thinking. She couldn't though because I had no idea myself.

"Hey… it doesn't change how I feel you know. So she's in Vegas…she means nothing to me…"

"You loved her" Sofia accused.

I sat back in my chair – how come everything good in my life always gets so fucked up?

"The way you looked at her…"

"Don't do this…"

"I can't help it… I really can't… I'm jealous of her, I'm so fucked up right now, and I hate the control she had over me." Sofia explained. "When we sit in a squad car… I'll know she's had you"

"We've been through this once…I'm not doing it again Sofia."

"I know… this is something I have to deal with"

We sat then in silence until I couldn't take it anymore – I started the car and pulled our of the parking lot, just driving through the Vegas streets. I have no idea what she's thinking right now – I just know it isn't good. She can't even bring herself to look at me – she can't even tell me what is wrong. I just sigh and begin to think about the past that I had left back in Frisco.

The last time I saw Jess Richards enveloped me – I was in my old apartment I remember the sound of her pacing, I remember the sound of her ranting. I was used to it. Jess would come in from a hard days work, a bad case, a bad shift and she'd take it all out on me. I remember this, our last fight – the night she walked. I remembered how she could manage to make me feel like shit, like I was nothing. She had me so caught up in everything that I was blind to the obvious. I was been used, she was walking all over me. The worst thing about it all was that I had loved her. HAD! Now, there is no way that I could love that bitch – not after everything that she did…

The last words she said to me!

The last time she touched me!

The last time she hurt me all came back – all I can think of, is that BITCH and how she wants to ruin what I have now. Take Sofia from me –

I pull into the labs car park, and take my Denali to the normal spot I park in – as I pull the car to a stop there is no movement, just Sofia sat looking at my dash. "You can still just come back to mine" I tell her – for the last time attempting to stop her from returning to work.

She shakes her head, "no…I have…to…think"

"Fine…" I mumble – She opens the door and steps out, I catch her hand, "Wait…when your thinking just…just remember that…" here it is again the word that I struggle so much with, "That I…love you"

She locked eyes with me, doing her cop thing. Did she think I was lying? She just nodded her head. I sighed, and let my hand drop from her wrist. "Do what you have to!" I tell her. She just nods her head before slamming my door and walking towards the lab. I watch her, memories of the night Jess walked away are evoked from within – the fear consuming me that Sofia is going to leave not wanting to deal with an emotional cripple with a fucked up past. I sink further back into the driver's seat – wondering if the end is near.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

My apartment was empty, never something that I like returning to when I was so messed up – it made me think, made me evaluate – truthfully, it made me crazy. Throwing my keys into the dish near the door I plodded my way towards the kitchen. Walking over to the fridge I pulled it open – a beer. It was Cold, teasingly so – maybe it'd help me. Wasting no time in popping the top of it and downing a large amount I shut the fridge door with my elbow before waling over to the cupboard. I took for that two aspirin and threw then into my mouth before I stumbled over to the sofa and fell into it with a sigh.

Lifting my arm I reached for the cell that was hooked onto my belt – dialing a well used number I waited for the answer. It took a while but, then it came – "Hi there…I'd like to order a take out… yeah…1 large Vegetarian – no that's fine. 344 Richards street… thank you" That was the pizza ordered. Now all I had left to do was shower and then worry – about everything.

The beers gone, and I decide not to grab another as the last thing I need is to be out my face – when - …if she comes here. Forcing myself to my feet I head towards the bathroom.

"I'm coming … I'm coming…"

My bare feet hit softly against the hard wood floor, I was wearing my old, worn jeans that hung low and a white tank top thrown on –having just finished my drying her hair – I felt only a little better over the day's events.

The banging on my door still persisted.

With a sigh I pulled it open –

A kid stood with the pizza in hand – "Pizza delivery" he held out the box.

I took it, replacing it with a cluster of dollar bills in his palm. "Keep the change" and with that I shut it and walked back to my kitchen. Throwing the pizza box on the side I then looked at my watch. An hour…and still no sign of her. I took another beer – and walked over to the sofa, to wait for her.

Three hours, a cold pizza and six empty bottles later I gave up on waiting, of hoping. I struggled to my feet – knocking over the empties on the coffee table as I went. Swaying- I struggled to gather my balance and gave up purposely kicking the bottles causing them to smash. This was bull shit – and she knew it, Sofia knew what she was doing – this was a childish game of 'she hurt me I'll hurt her'. This was a complete mess. I trampled to my room down the corridor and collapsed onto my bed. Anger, fear, and hurt all taking over me.

--------------

"Sara…"

I didn't bother to look up from the photos that I'd laid out in the lay out room – I just spoke. "That's me" objection, not to let her know how much she hurt me last night…

"Sar…can we talk?"

"Isn't that what we are doing?" I look through the pile of scene photo's, not really looking at a lot. Just avoiding eye contact with her.

"You're pissed with me?"

I didn't respond to that one –

She walked further into the room – shutting the door. It wasn't a good sign. "Sara… I swear to god – I didn't intent to not come to yours last night…"

"Leave it" I tell her. I didn't want her to know that she'd had me so twisted last night.

"No, we are talking this one out" She walks over and takes the photo's from my hand.

I growl in low frustration – how come if I wanted to talk she was well in her rights to refuse – but when the shoe's on the other foot…

"Look Sara… I got back here…and a case came in. I took it…"

"What, you forget my number?" I shot. I swung around in the chair and locked eyes with her. She didn't respond, "I was fucking worried…don't you get that. If you want to take all this out on me then do it…I don't care – but don't leave me sitting alone worrying about you" and that's when I finally understand – she wanted to worry me, she just wanted to see if I still cared for her.

"I'm sorry" she spoke lowly, "I was out of order – I know that"

"What are you doing to me? Just be straight…do you want to end what we have?" I demand. I'd had a past of shit and I really didn't need it with her as well. She just turned her back on me and walked over to the window. "Look, you wanted to talk…so let's talk"

"I'm screwing this up – aren't I?"

I pushed my hand through my hair – I didn't know what to say or do.

"Tell me how to fix this?" she begs.

"Fix what Sof? What is it you are trying to fix?" I demand again. Call me insecure or just irate – I just wanted simple answers and not these fucking riddles she keeps throwing at me.

"We were great… the two of us. Everything was going great before she came into the picture." She pushed her hands into the pockets of her black jeans.

"We were? What's the supposed to mean?" Is she ending this with me. That fear erupts within me – I can't let her end this with me. We have something real … she can't just walk.

"Well things aren't exactly great right now are they?" She scoffs. Then looks to the floor, "and that has a lot to do with how I'm acting." She faces me, "…I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head but…all I can say is… you're the best thing that's happened to me, and I'm losing you and that hurts"

That's it, I just can't take much more, "You're not losing me! Don't you see that?"

"I'm losing my god damn sanity Sidle…don't you get it?"

"Sanity! Your sanity? What about mine?"

"Just tell me how to make this okay"

"I don't know how – don't you see that. If I knew, I'd tell you – but I don't" I turn my back on her – "All I can tell you is how much you mean to me – and how much I want you"

She just put the photo's back on the side, "I'm sorry about last night"

"Me to…" I turned back to her.

It was then her beeper went off. She looked down at it – then she cursed. This was far from sorted, far from 'fixed' as she put it. But – we'd just end up fighting if we kept doing this here, now. To be honest I just wanted her to move in and take hold of me and I honestly believe I'd forget all about how she'd hurt me last night. But, I knew that wouldn't happen either.

"Take it…" I tell her.

She just sighs, and leaves lay out. Leaves me, more confused than before – with the door shutting I sand back onto the chair. What the hell was happening now?


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6 

I dragged myself back to my apartment, trudging my way up the steps – elevators broke down yet again. I roll my eyes; this is all that I need. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally – and I know exactly what I'm walking into – an apartment filled with smashed beer bottles, a left over pizza and disregarded aspirin pills that I had scattered over the table tops. Great!

I push the key into the lock, and kick open the door with my boot – as soon as I make it into the apartment I turn and click the security latch – the world I see everyday you can never be too careful. I place my kit on the floor next to the door, ready packed as I'm on call – it's fully stocked with gloves, swabs and chemicals. My keys are next – I chuck them onto the glass plate on the table. With a deep sigh, I turn – and trudge through towards the living area.

I had post that I'd picked up from at the door in my hands – sifting through it I noticed bills, bills and look more bills – the only thing that broke them up was the odd bit of junk mail – _win a trip, _or, _you've got $10, 000 all you got to do is sign you're life away_ - that kind of thing. Someone out there is stupid enough to sign up for this crap I'm sure …

"Hey babe…"

I jumped a little, dropped the mail to the floor and reached instinctively from my waist where my gun was usually attached – except I've left it in the kit back there – "Fuck…shit…" I cursed

"Sorry…" She held up her hands, "Sorry…"

"Fuck, Sofia…you scared the shit out of me!" I shout. As I lean into the wall I'd backed up against. "Shit…" I sign now to myself – _pull it together Sidle, what's gotten into you_, the case I just ran must have gotten to me more than I had first thought.

"maybe I shouldn't have…"

"No" I tell her, "I'm just…jumpy"

She just nodded her head, then she looked down to what was in her hand – "I used the key"

"I figured – not just CSI in work hours" I explain as I smile, wanting to lighten the awkwardness.

She gives, smirking a little to.

She holds the key out –

I shake my head, "Keep it. Never know when you'll want to scare the shit out of me again"

Sofia laughs, an awkward laugh – I get it now, no time for joking. I break eye contact and look around the room, there's no glass, no pills – and the kitchen counters are clear. She's cleared up, she saw the mess she'd created last night – she'd seen my pain and now I'm ashamed that I gave her that control. "How long have you been here?" I ask.

"I couldn't work shift, I needed to talk to you – I took off about an hour and a half ago" She explained, "I didn't know where to go… or what to do"

"So, you came here and cleared up my shit?" I ask. It sounded however like an accusation. I softened my tone a litte, "You didn't have to"

"I was the cause right?" She didn't need me to answer, she already knew, "The least I could do" she explained. I saw her slip the key into the pocket of her jeans – that's where it should be, its rightful place, with her. We locked eyes.

"I'm sorry…"

"So you said…" I'm sick of hearing that, and not just from her. From everyone I ever let close to me - I bend down and pick up my mail, "But what are you sorry for?"

"For last night… for the last week – for Monday, for everything"

I stop collecting the mail, and look up at you – silenced. You're exhausted, you're so far gone that this isn't Sofia anymore. Not the Sofia I knew anyway. The exhaustion had broken through you're many layers that act as protection and for the first time I think I'm seeing you for who you are. The real you – and all that I can see is fear. I drop all the post to the floor and stand – I was right, you needed to rest – now look what you've done – you've brought us to this…

Both of us too an emotional wreck

…to _vulnerability _

…we're open to the shit in this world of love

From the moment we got together I've never even thought about anyone else – not in my past, not in the sense of a future…it's just been you in my present Sofia. Don't you get that? It's always been us – for me – just US. But I can't make you see that, I can't make you understand can I?

"You have no idea what she put me through baby" I explained, maybe this will help her to understand. I was stood opposite her now, about to revile a little bit of the highly guarded past that I keep from, her, from anyone…

From _everyone_!

"Then give me one?" She requests, "Just an idea of what I'm dealing with"

"You off the clock?" I ask her.

She reaches for her phone – looks down and switches it off – "I am now" she explains.

I just nod my head, and then I walk away. Right past here – leaving her in my living room confused and concerned.

I plod into the kitchen area and reach forward taking two bottles from my fridge – beer the only way I will get through this. I slam it shut and then turn back – walking to where she was still stood – fixed to the same spot she'd been in since I'd walked in and been scared to death - I stood a little behind her. "You asked for this Sofia…" I remind her. The blond stayed unmoved – I run my hand down her arm, till my fingers interlink with hers. I guide her a little, pulling her to my sofa, the two of us take a seat – and I hand her a beer. She takes it – but she still looks into my eyes –

So I return the exchange and look into hers.

I don't know if I can do this, I don't want her to know who I used to be.

But this may be the only way I can keep her- the only way she's mine.

This may be the only way that she understands.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

I lay, my head on the pillow at her side – she was lay on her back looking up at the ceiling. Her eyes had been fix on the one spot now for a while – I'd been watching her in that time, taking her in. My arm was out across her waist lazily I know that the two of us should be resting, sleeping – having come from shift and Sofia even pulling a double but it didn't look like she was about to rest. "Baby…what is it?" I manage eventually.

She didn't speak, she just broke the stare she was in and looked towards the doorway of my bedroom. I moved closer to her and pressed my lips onto her arm – "Hun, talk to me?"

"She walks around, like she…and…you…" I can almost feel the burning anger seeping through her hot skin and into mine. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything – she has to work with this woman – and now she wants to all but put her fist in the officers face. She's so angry that she can't even manage to fight through the words.

"Babe…shush…stop…"

She just shakes her head, "I can't …"

I just ran my arm down her waist to her leg – the brought it back up funning my fingers up and under her shift resting it on her stomach. "Baby…please hold me?" I ask her. I just want her to hold me in her arms, just so I can pretend everything between us is fine and not so strained. She waits a moment before she moves an arm around me and I slide over so I'm resting my head on her shoulder blade. "Listen to me…this was all in my past. I'm over what she did to me. I have you now… all we need to do is ignore her. We can't let her break us apart Sof"

She just nodded her head, though she wasn't saying much of anything. I know that something is bouncing around in that head of hers, and I know exactly what it is. "Don't do anything stupid…" I accuse. She doesn't respond. " Sofia…" I lean up on my shoulder and lean over her looking into her eyes. " Sofia…tell me, you won't do anything stupid."

"What…you mean, hit her…like she hit you?" She growled back lowly.

"Yeah that's exactly what I mean" I throw at her, "you do that you ruin everything you have – you're job, your respect… you can't let her take it from you"

"You tell me that…and expect me not to do anything?" She demands.

"You can't do anything…"

"Watch me…"

"I'm not kidding" I sit up, "Just listen to me for once. I can't let you put your career in jeopardy for me" She didn't respond, so I turned to look at her, "I mean it…I told you so you'd understand – I could never love her, you're the only person I love."

"You think it's that simple?" She asks.

"I've made it that simple – my past stays in my past. It's how I want it"

"Your past? Your past is here in Vegas god damn it – your past is walking through the halls of the station like she runs the show – your past is trying to take your future" She returns to looking back up at the ceiling. I sigh –

"Please…for me?"

"For you what? Ignore your ex who's trying to ruin your work, your life, us?"

"Yeah… if you let her get to you she's won" Then I lose it, "I can't deal with this damn it" I sat forward in the bed.

For a few moments she didn't react, the I hared her take three large deep breaths before she lent forward and put her arms around my waist. "Okay…I get it… I get that the last thing you need is me acting like this. I'm sorry…you want me to leave it…I'll leave it" she reassured my. I relaxed a little and moved so my head was lent on her shoulder – "Come on, just… I'm sorry"

I nod my head, "sorry" I say to her. She lowers us back down to the bed and she's holding my closer now that she did before – "I'm just so scared I'm going to lose you" I whispered.

"Lose me…to that bitch?" She's lets out a laugh, as she turns and puts her leg over mine. Leaning on me she presses her lips softly against mine before murmuring – "Babe – I don't think so. You're stuck with me"

I have to say, not a bad place to be stuck. The blond moved her hands down my frame – she must notice how tense I am because she speaks into my ear – "I just want to hold you" she explained. Her hands stopping once they found the flat stomach and waist under my shirt. I nod my head – I'm not sure if she understands why, but I just couldn't take this any further at the moment- "…it's fine" she tells me.

This does calm me a little; I move my own hands up her shirt to rest on her – then something come's over me "shit" I curse as I move into her.

"What is it babe?"

The idea of us just stopping at her holding me soon fades; it's too much to have her so close but not have her. I shift; putting my weight on her shoulder I turn and force her to the bed. Moving over her I growl lowly, "Baby - kiss me"

"Hun? I…" She was tapping her fingers on my back and I took a deep breath to calm myself, I straddled her and took her arms from my back. She's driving me crazy. "Shit…" I say again.

"Sar…" She herself is getting breathless as it become harder for her to resist.

"I need you"

-----------

"Okay, Sara… there's a DB in Henderson – just clarify it's an OD…" Grissom explained. "Officers are on scene …"

"Solo?" I ask

He shakes his head, "Nope, Catherine is in the locker room – tell her she's with you"

"No problem" I take the paper from his hand, "I'll catch you guys later"

I leave, heading down the corridor – I have to say I hope tonight goes smooth so that I'm able to leave on time to go to breakfast with the one and only Sofia.

"Hey Cath, with me tonight on a DB"

"Okay…I'm coming" She shuffles through her locker.

"I'll meet you in the Denali then?" I ask her

"take it you're driving?"

"As always" I smile.

She rolls her eyes also smiling.

I'm tapping my hands on the steering wheel- along to some CD that Sofia had out in my player that I had to admit I was getting quite into, though I'd never tell her that. It's then I saw Catherine eventually swagger from the Lab and towards the Denali – at last.

Pulling open the door she offered her apologies, "Sorry…sorry…run in with Ecklie"

"Better you than me" I tell her, "Don't worry" Turning the key in the ignition I start the truck – "Hell he's dead, not going anywhere any time soon"

I get a laugh from the red head – this friends ship thing with her is really starting to work.

Stepping from the Denali I managed to gather my kit in record time. I slammed shut the door and met Catherine – "You okay tonight?" I ask.  
"Yeah…verbal with the daughter as I left for work"

"Oh…get you at your most venerable?" I ask knowing the technique, never used it on my excuse of a mother myself as she didn't care what I did or where I was but I have often used it on Sofia.

"Yeah…" Catherine sighs.

"She'll get over it" I tell her.

Catherine seems a little shocked, hell I am – did I just attempt to comfort her? I never do that, with anyone, I'm just not good at it. "You had the good coffee or something tonight Sidle?" she asks.

"Or something" I mumble as we both head to the scene.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

"Well, what a pleasant surprise" My head snapped up at the familiar voice. _Fuck, not now. _Catherine looks from the officer to me, and waits for me to respond – I don't. I just stare at Detective Roberts. She breaks the silence, "…though you're an hour late… I'll forgive you." She leans on the wall, "I know you of old" a smirk played on her lips.

"Willows" Catherine cuts in obviously sensing my discomfort – she holds out her hand to Jess. I just watch the exchange –

"Richards" She replies.

"What we got?"

I make a silent reminder to thank Catherine for getting me out of this one.

"Bodies in there…scene secure…" then she locks eyes with me, "Don't worry though; I'll be hanging around till you're finished"

I don't even intend to talk to her – I don't intend to show her how fucked up she makes me. "I'll take the body" I inform Catherine before she can argue I push my way past the two women and into the dark, dingy house. I release a breath that I wasn't sure I'd been holding before carefully making my way into the room. In the center on a sofa was a body. God, I love my job! I trudge toward it.

Around half hour passed, and Catherine had wisely stayed out of my way – as had Richards. Until now that is – "I've finished up with the surrounding rooms – you need any help in here?"

I finish packing my evidence – "I've processed the body – we just have to get through the room" I explained.

She nodded her head. "There's no sign of a struggle – this looks like a straightforward OD" she offers.

"Yeah" I agree.

The two of us go about our work, and I realize that's I've been to quiet when Catherine asks – "Everything okay with you?"

I look towards her, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You're a little…distant" she offers. "What's with you and the officer?"

"Long story…" I cut Catherine off. Then I offer, "Thanks for stepping in"

"No trouble…"

I truly was grateful that she stepped in and took control of the situation out there -

She then understands that I want to get as far away from the subject as possible so she looks to the body – "So lay it out…"

I look to the body – and begin to explain the scene, or my version of it so far, however my mind in anywhere but here on the job.

This was going to be a long night

---------------

The door shut behind me, I was crouched in the far corner of the room looking down at some blood spatter – though there was something off with this sample – "Hey Cath…take a look at this?" I ask absently.

"Wrong lover Sar…"

I instantly sit up before turning – I stand to my feet and face her. This was ridiculous, I wasn't still scared of this woman. "She's not my lover…and neither are you" I spat. "What the hell are you doing?" I demand.

She has that cocky grin about her, "You miss me?"

I just stare at her in disbelief – was she for real? I shake my head, "I…I have to work…" I turn my back and run the UV light up the wall – looking for more blood splatter.

"That's a yes then?"

She's so sure of herself that it makes me sick – I lower the light and look to the floor. "What's there to miss Richards…" I'm cold, disconnected – well at least I hope that's how it sounds.

"Babe…it's Jess…it's always been Jess to you honey!" Fuck, please don't let this really be happening, I turn back to face her and I'm actually so shocked I can't even object. She just continues, "And there's a lot for you to miss"

"It's Sidle to you…" I bark.

"Since when?" She asks, leaning on the wall.

"Since the night you walked out on me!" it left my mouth, but I soon was filled with regret.

"You still stuck in the past Honey? That always was the problem with you – to busy worrying about the bad times. We had a lot of good times to you know"

"Too bad the bad ones out weighed them…" I decided I'm done in here. I move about the room collecting my kit preying that a certain red headed CSI to stop in.

She seems to have ignored my last statement as she continues to babble on – "We had some real good times…remember the weekends in" she pushed a hand through her hair, "they were some weekends"

"Yeah, usually ended with you going off to fuck the barmaid down on 5th" I accused. The pain still as raw as they day she walked out on me. I inwardly sigh, wanting to put as much distance between me and my past meant forgetting all about this. I thought that I'd dealt with it but obviously I hadn't.

"She was just a fuck for me, you were the real thing" she explained.

I swung around, "Are you kidding me, listen, and listen good. I'm with Sofia… I love her… that's all there is to this. You need to stay away from us both…you got me?"

"Sar…babe…don't worry…I'm not asking you to leave her and come running into my arms. I just… I just wanted to … remember the good old times…"  
"Well I don't…you got me, I don't want to remember you or anything you did to me. I want you gone from my life. I love Sofia"

"You loved me"

I look to the floor, and say nothing.

"…remember that Sara…where you'd let me beat you round that room and then be more than willing to forgive me" she has advanced towards me now, growling lowly.

I looked up at her, a strength filled my chest – "You got off on it didn't you… having that control over me?" She just smirked and shrugged. "You don't have that control anymore Richards… you have nothing on me." I explain.

"If that's true…why are you still stood here? Huh?" She asks. "Why didn't you walk away from me ten minuets ago?"

I don't respond, I turn my back and pick my now packed kit up from the floor shaking my head – I just couldn't believe this shit was happening. "Don't think I'm going to let you walk into my life and destroy it all over again. It's not going top happen… you better back of Richard's"

"What, otherwise you'll send Big Bad Curtis my way?" She asks.

"I don't need Sofia to deal with you- I will – a lots changed since you knew me Jess…that's just not me anymore"

Before she could respond with anything more I walked from the room. From her…


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9   


There was a pounding, against the temples, raging all the way down from head to neck and settling in the form of tension that ran across my shoulders and down my back back. Right here, as I sit hunched over photos from a past crime that was unsolved while I waited for the results on all the Overdose evidence that I was working, I wished that when Sofia had asked me to pull a sick-y I had listened. Lying close to her in bed is much better than the night I just had. With a sigh I slumped forward and leant my head on my folded arms –

I was dragged back into memories – yet again.

_"Where the hell did you get to?" Sara asked as she walked into the living area of her apartment to face Jess Richards - her girlfriend. _

_"What's it to you?" She slurred as she through her jacket to the chair and headed towards the liquor cupboard – a more than common trip of the blond – heading to the liquor. _

_"Tonight was our night of together – you've worked three weeks without a day off…I never see you" The brunette explained with a fiery anger. "Then you come back here late and drunk?" _

_"Get of my Case would you" She demanded. _

_Sara walked over to her lover, "Get off your case…what the hell is your problem?" Reaching forward Jess took the bottle in her hand – and unscrewed the lid. "Where were you?" _

_"Out" _

_"Out where?" _

_"Just out…" _

_As Jess turned Sara caught sight of just where she'd been and what she'd been doing. Red marks trailed down the blonds neck – Sara felt as though she'd been slapped in the face and kicked in the head – was this happening? She took hold of the officers arm "tell me you didn't" _

_She pulled her arm free, "Didn't what?" she shouted. _

_"You didn't…" Sara couldn't even say it – she reached forward and pulled open the collar of Jess's shirt further. Love bites trailed her neck – "You fucking bitch" _

_"What's your problem?" _

_"My problem? Who the hell were you with?" _

_"Lay off Sara…" _

_"You spend your night off Fucking someone – and you want me to back off…"Sara shouted as she moved forward a step looking into her girlfriend's eyes. She saw no remorse, nothing."…you bitch" she managed though her emotion was running so high she had no control over her response. "Who was it? Who?" _

_"Get down from your high Sidle, I went to a bar, drank too much… just some woman who hit on me…one thing led to another…that's all it was. A quickie in the lady's – not like I'm having a relationship with her!" _

_Sara wasn't sure if it was just her, or was Jess truly convinced that made it ok. The drink must have made a rational excuse out of that somewhere. "Oh I see…some whore in a bar takes you for a quickie in the back and that makes it okay?" _

_Jess just stood there. _

_Sara lost it and through her hand forward, her palm smashing across Jess's face. _

_That was the first time that Sara was cheated on by Jess, that was the first time she knew about anyway – little did she know that it wasn't the last, Jess would do it many times and she'd be stupid enough to keep forgiving. _

Feeling hands on my shoulders begin to relieve some tension there is no mistaking who that is- it brings me back form the memories. I let out a sigh – as I sit up, she moves closer to me and rubs her palm and fingers with such technique that I can't help but tilt my head back a little. "You look like you needed a hand" She spoke softly.

"Mm- don't ever leave"

She lets out a throaty laugh, "that bad?"

"Worse" I tell her, referring to my night.

"What's wrong?"

"Head ach…"

"You took anything?" She asks, I can hear the concern in her voice.

"Nope… just come on now…" It's then I realize that she's not working a case with any of us in the lab tonight, "Babe…what you doing here?"

"Well I was going to take my lunch so came to see if maybe…you'd be able to take an hour out" She explained.

"Well I think…maybe I could try and pull a few strings…" I offer.

"That's what I like to hear…" She smiles. She seems so relaxed, so happy, maybe she's getting over the run in with my ex… to bad I'm not huh? I stand up, and turn to her

"I may have to borrow them hands later baby" I smirk.

"If you're lucky" She winks. I wanted to kiss her right there and then but, decided against it – as work and pleasure were against the rules the two of us had set up. Neither of us yet ready to tell anyone of our relationship. "So you hungry?"

"Not really…just want to spend time with you" I explain.

She smiles –

-----

As the two of us walk out into the Car park she reaches over and takes my hand, confident that no one would see. I let her interlink our fingers – and as we were halfway to her car I saw Jess to my right – sat on the bonnet of her car, smiling. She'd come out here for a smoke by the looks of it – I'm just glad that Sofia didn't see the wink she sent my way. I moved closer to Sofia and pushed my hand around her waist – and rested my head on her shoulder.

"You really not feeling well hun?"

She knew me too well, my head was spinning. "I don't know what's wrong with me" I explain.

"Over tired"

"And who's faults that" I joke lightly.

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it" She shot back.


	10. Chapter 10

Part 9 

We were sat in the car park of a fast food take out – I had a shake, she had fries and a soda. I had my head rested on her shoulder, her arm slung around me. "You know I like this?"

"What? The Shake?" Sofia asked me.

"No" I smile, "You and me…"

"Well good, cause I like us to"

Turning I just gazed up at her, no words were spoken between the two of us – no words however my lips hovered softly over hers – "So how long was you're break?" I asked her as I felt my eyes close and my free hand move to her waist.

"Bout half hour left" She explained, "just not enough time for this" she says. However she moved into my kiss and it soon rages into a passion filled make out session. For the first time tonight I felt alive, felt loved, and felt safe and secure. She had no idea how much I loved her, had no idea how much I needed her.

The time went on, the minuets passed and Sofia – against my will pulled back. There was a smirk on her face – "wow" was all she said. I smiled – "Sidle – you drive me crazy"

"Is that so?" I asked with a smirk "Well Ditto Curtis"

"You think they'll miss us if we don't go back to work!" She asks me.

"I know they will" I tell her – not that I wanted to go back at all. I wanted to be here with my girl, were it was so simple. She loved me and I loved her when we were alone – how ever when we were outside in the real world there was so much that got in between us.

She growled lightly – "Suppose we better head back then" she smiled.

"Yeah I suppose…"

"How's your head?"

"Spinning" I tell her as I lean on her shoulder. It's not very often I admit I'm sick so she knows that I must be bad.

"Are you sure you should be working?"

"It'll be fine…I got a pretty easy case that Cath is taking point on so… I'll end up doing paper work within the hour if it goes as planned."

She seemed okay with that, "Just look after yourself" she tell me.

"You now Curtis…the guys would never believe that Detective Bitch could be this sweet" I joked.

"Is that right…?"

"yeah, that's right"

"So you think I'm sweet?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Sometimes" my mind screamed '_always' _

------------

"Hey Sar… here take a look at the results"

I'd only just made it through the door when Catherine threw the results my way, "All work Cath" I joke. I run through the results – my mind telling me he had indeed committed suicide. I felt slight sadness for the stranger. After a few silent moments I placed it on the table – "case closed huh?" I asked.

"Case closed" Catherine echoed. I sighed, I'm not sure what for –but I did. "You okay?"

"I'd take a murder over a suicide any day" I explained, and I would, "I hate the idea that someone was so low that…the end was the only way to deal"

Catherine looked at me, "In the end, you can only help yourself"

"You believe that?" I asked.

"What?"

"That only you can save you?" I clarified.

"Yeah I do…"

I turned me back, the silence comfortable though I knew she wanted to say something – "What?" I asked softly.

"Huh?"

"You want to ask me something" I explained.

"It's just… I think that… you should talk this out"

"What out?" I turn now and step forward.

"What ever it is that makes officer Richards have a hold on you…" I look to the floor, she continues, "She was asking a lot of questions about you"

"What did she say…"

"Honestly not a hell of a lot…just asked a lot… what is she to you?"

"To me? She's a god damn pain in my ass" I growled, "Do you … know… about…" I couldn't even say it. It had always been a problem for me – though I'm not entirely sure why, I mean it's who I am.

"I know that you were … with her intimately, romantically if that's what you mean"

I look to the floor, "She tell you that"

"No… I saw that…back at the scene…" She explains, I should have known – she's CSI, and one of the best. "I don't judge you Sara, or respect you any less… and you shouldn't do this to yourself. It doesn't change who you are…"

"You think I'm wrong…not been open"

"No… I mean… it's you… you're not a person who throws everything on the table" She's right, I'm not…there is so much more to me than even Sofia knows, the woman I love still has so much more to find out. If I'll ever let her know everything. "What does she had over you Sara…to keep you this distant. It's something because I know for sure if anyone treated you how she is you waist no time in taking them down!"

Catherine was right, I would – there was just something about Jess – maybe it's true – I was scared of her. She could cause a lot of shit for me and she knew it. I just looked to Catherine – she made me realize something in that moment. "Thank-you" I managed.

She smiled softly, "Look, no matter what it is your hiding, what you've done or who you are you'll still be the same old pain in my ass sidle" She smirked, "And you'd always been the kid sister to the guys. You don't have to worry about anyone…if they care for you – really care for you - everything will be fine"

"You believe that?"

"I know it" She explains, she stands up taking the file, "I'll talk to Richards about the case…close it up for you"

I nod, actually thankful that Catherine offered – "Thanks"

She stops then in the doorway and turns back – "Sar…you want me to sort her out?"

I shake my head with a smile, "Thanks but… I think it's something I have to do"

She nods, she understands -

I go back to my coffee.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 10

_Sorry about the wait guys - heres an update though and have to say that it's a bit fluffy! sorry in advance lol_

"Baby?" I called as I walked into the apartment, I wanted, no I needed to be held by her. My head was pounding and I felt sicker than I had in the longest of times. 

"Sar…that you?"

I threw my bag on the side and walked into the living room – she was sat on my sofa. I must have looked like hell because she instantly stood up, "Hun, hell, what's happened?"

"Sick" Was all that I managed as I walked into her waiting arms and wrested my head on her shoulder. She instantly pulled me back down on the sofa – her hand finding my forehead –

"Babe- you're burning up" She explained, like I didn't know, I murmured something as I closed my eyes. I don't get sick, I don't get ill. Yeah, tell that to my head! "Shit hun, I told you to take care of yourself." I was completely gone now – weak beyond all belief. I felt her mutter something else but I wasn't really listening.

"…don't…please" I used what little strength I had to grip around her shirt. I didn't want her to move, but she took hold of my arm and managed to get up from under me, lay me back on the sofa and kneel at my side. I opened my eyes only for a second to see her move a hand to my head again and push the hair from my face.

"Hun… I'm just going to get you out of these cloths" She explained.

With my last bit of strength I did manage a smirk – "ye?" I asked,

"Just changing you Hun… sorry but I don't sleep with a sick person"

I just laughed a little, only to be silenced by my pounding head. I groaned.

"Shush…just lay down…" Sofia moved her hands to my shirt and began to undo the buttons – one at a time. I was sweating as I was now convinced that I had a fever.

After getting me successfully changed, into shorts and a tank top Sofia returned with a glass of water. "Here babe… sit up… come on"

I was like a disobedient child, I just couldn't raise my head, so I shook her off and tried to push away her hand that was holding the glass.

"Come on Sar…" She coxed as she put her arm around my back and did sit me up – I drank a little – just to make her happy. She placed it on the side table before slipping into the sofa behind me and placing my head back down on her lap – "Go to sleep babe" She told me.

I just nodded, and that's what I did – fell into a sleep.

--------

"How you feeling?"

"Like crap…" I sighed. As I moved my head slowly to the side so that I could gaze up at her. She just smiles softly, running her hand through my hair. I looked around realising that I wasn't in the place I'd fallen asleep. She must have realised what I was thinking.

"I brought you in...last night…"

I just nodded, then I moved my hand to her arm. "Thanks"

"No problem…you've really overdone it this time" She tells me.

I just sigh.

"Hun – I'm going to head down to the drugstore to get you something…"

"No…don't…" I took hold of her shirt. Okay, when I'm sick I am like a child – I know that. "I'll be fine" I lied, "just lay down with me?"

I pulled her closer, and I hared her laugh a little – "Babe…you need some pills or something…"

I shook my head, "Just need you" I say.

"Is that right?" She asked. She took my face in her hand, then lowered her lips to mine – softly she kissed me.

Once she pulled back I smiled a little, "Thought you didn't kiss sick people?"

"No I don't sleep with them" Sofia corrected.

"You sure about that?"

"very sure…you're too sick baby…you need to rest" She tells me.

I sigh, "Worth a shot"

She moved a hand to my arm, "to bad huh? Well – I've rang in to work telling them I'm not goning to be in tonight because I'm going to be looking after you…so maybe if you feel better later …"

"Promise?" I asked

"Yeah… I do. But you'll have to let me go get some pills…"

Reluctantly I let go of her arm – "Don't be too long?" I ask.

"As fast as I can hun" She kissed me one last time before telling me to "Get some sleep" I obeyed. And it didn't take my long to fall again into sleep.

----------

When I awoke I noticed that I wasn't alone, I felt her arms around my waist – thankfully I felt much better – she'd woken me a few hours back and given my the pills she'd picked up and it seemed they'd done their job – and now I was going to thank her for taking such great care of me. I placed my hand behind me on her leg – it seemed that she'd slipped into bed with me still dressed in her jeans and a shirt. I ran my arm up her leg and was reward with her moaning lowly. Deeply in her chest. She pressed her body closer to mine –

"I love you" I managed, I was rewarded by her hands moving under my shirt.

"You don't have to do that"

I'm confused for a moment, so I turn – we're facing each other now. Lay next to each other I'm looking into her eyes. I push the hair back from her face – "Do what?"

"Say it… I know how hard it is…" She explains.

"What? Baby?" I ask her.

"I…just…"

I shake my head – then lean forward, pressing my lips against hers I say "Let me worry about saying it and you…you just …listen. I'm safe, I'm happy…and I've never felt like this before" she moved her hand up my back as mine found their way to the bottom of her shirt and then down- I hook my fingers into the belt loops of her jeans as I feel her slide her tongue into my mouth.

"What's wrong" I pull back and look into her eyes. She doesn't answer me, I can feel the tension all over her – I know something is up – she's kissing me differently, she's touching me differently. She turns on her back and pushed the hair from her face looking up at the ceiling.

"Sof…what?" I ask.

"Nothing…I'm fine"

"No you're not. Talk to me…"

"Can't we just lay here…and make out?"

"Not like this … no. Tell me what's wrong"

"Does it matter…" She was pulling away – I could tell.

"Yeah… it does… because your lay here making out with me thinking about someone or something else. Don't do good for my self esteem babe" I explain. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Am I that easy to read?" she asks.

"Nope… I just know what to look for" I explained. "Come on… look at me…talk to me?" I asked.

"I'm scared…"

"What?" I was fucked now, Sofia never admits she's scared, or hurt or sick… we were both stubborn like that. "Babe?"

"Last night…you were so sick… I was … am scared"

"Babe – I'm fine" I assured. "Hell…I'm more than fine"

"No, your not. Last night…I was holding you, I was so worried. You were so sick baby" She moved her hand and held onto mine. "I think… I think I'm falling so fucking hard and I…"

"You're scared?" I finish softly – she looks away. "Sof…are you scared I was sick, or that your falling?"

"Both…"

"Well, would it help if this…us…scares me shitless?"

"Maybe…"


	12. Chapter 12

Part 11 

_Sorry i've kept you waiting - my muse seems to have made a comeback with this one though! Not to long but i'll have more soon. Thankyou!_

Leaning against the kitchen counter I'm trying to block out the pain in my neck – okay so I'm not so over the sickness as I thought. I've taken the pills that Sofia brought, I've taken the god damn medicine, why isn't it working? I grab my coffee and then I walk towards the sofa and fall into it.

"Sara?"

"Huh?" I ask, the voice from behind.

"How many of them pills have you taken?" She walks around and sits at my side. I feel her presence next to me. She moves her hand around my waist – I lay against her – shrugging my shoulders. I honestly had no idea how many I'd had – it still hurt so I still took them. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"My head hurts" I explain closing my eyes.

"Hun I know it does but you really can't take pills like that. I mean you've eaten nothing…"

"I don't want to eat…"

"Your going to OD"

"My head…"

"I know…it huts you said. Look, I'm taking these off you and you're not going into work toady"

"I have to…" I tell her. There's no way she's stopping me from doing that.

"Sar…Babe…" She only had to look into my eyes though to know she wasn't going to win this one.

----

"Come on… I'm taking you home"

"I'm fine" I argued from where I was lent on the desk in the AV lab.

"Fine is been able to stand – Hun … you are not fine"

"I have paper work…"

"Not anymore" Sofia walked over and piled up the file, shutting it she pushed it into a draw. "You sick Sara…"

"I don't get sick" I protested.

"Your worse that a child, you know that …look, you're going home, and going to bed"

"Only if you come with me" I manage a smirk as I turn to look at her.

"Well, I offered to take you home…" Sofia moved forward. Had she told them about us? Even though I hadn't spoken she knew what I was thinking.

"Catherine told Grissom that you're sick, he was going to ask Nick to take you home – I'd just finished talking to him about an old case that he was looking into and so I ever so kindly offered to take you home" She moved an arm to my lower back – "So…go sit in my car and I'll grab the stuff from your locker…okay?"

I thought for a few moments, did I really want to admit to been sick? My pounding head told me yes. I managed to stand, "Thanks baby…" I mumbled as I took her keys and headed towards the exit of the lab. I didn't even acknowledge anyone as it took all my strength to walk. I had no idea what was going on with me.

I'm sat in her car… sleep grabbing hold of me though I'm trying to fight it. Sofia is taking her time - she should have been out by now. She probably got held up though. I just closed my eyes and waited.

Waited…

And ….

Waited.

I opened my eyes at the opening of the door. My head seemed to have gotten worse I turned slowly to see Sofia put the keys into her car and pull off without little hesitation. She didn't say a word and her jaw was set in that don't fuck with me manor I never liked. "Baby!" I asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"What wrong?"

"Nothing" she shot. She pulled onto the main road and that's when she accelerated – breaking the speed limit.

"Sof…" I spoke.

She didn't respond.

"Fia…god damn it…" I managed though my head just hurt all the more. "What's happened"

"That bitch… that's what's wrong…who the hell does she think she is…" She was angrier that I'd seen her.

"Honey who?" I asked.

"Who…WHO!" She increased the speed.

"Stop, now!" I demanded.

She looked from the road, then to me. Then to the road. "Just tell me you didn't know!"

"Know what!"

"know WHAT I WAS GOING TO FIND IN YOUR GOD DAMN LOCKER!"

"What?"

"Your Locker, Sara… YOUR GOD DAMND LOCKER!"

She reached into her inner pocket and pulled out the envelope, throwing it at me. I was too scared to open it seeing how worked up it had gotten Sofia. I looked from the package to an angry Sofia then back down to the package.


End file.
